Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
