things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
