I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
