So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
