you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
