WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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