The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
