Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
