she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
