No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
