My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
