So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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