You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
