i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
