"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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