the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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