Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
