I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
