How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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