Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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