She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
