don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this hospital has no fireball
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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