john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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