You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
