He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
