The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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