They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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