i think i have two assholes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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