Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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