The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
