She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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