my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
