found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
