roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
