im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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