no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
