I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
These tits shall not be calmed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
