I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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