is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
