It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have aggressive nipples.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
