Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
