just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
