drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
