Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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