dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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