We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
