you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
