What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
