Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
