I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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