yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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