And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
