Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had to cum in my sink.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
