I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
