You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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