well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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