I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
