His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
