Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
