Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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