Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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