apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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