Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
