Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Someone shit on the floor
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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